When it comes to finding relationship advice online, we often find advice on what it means if you are in a toxic relationship, how to avoid these kinds of relationships, and of course ways to get away from toxic people. You’ll even find ways to determine if the person you are dating is toxic, but what if you’re the problem?
It can be hard to point the finger at ourselves. And it can also be hard to tell if you are the problem, because it can be difficult to see our own faults. Hopefully, with these signs to look out for, you’ll be able to tell if you are the reason there is toxicity in your relationship.
Controlling
In a relationship, do you often feel the need to be in control? This means that if things are not done the exact way you want them, you get upset and flip out. Or perhaps it is only your voice that is heard and listened to.
The problem is that you must have things going your way when dating. And when things don’t go the way you want them to, you may get angry, pout, cry, and generally act out. You need to find ways to either deal with this need to always be in control or speak to someone about why you want to be the one in charge at all times.
And yes we understand that there are situations in which one partner is more dominant than the other, but there is still a give and take to the relationship dynamic. In terms of a toxic relationship, the controlling partner usually doesn’t give in a healthy way.
You Try to Change Them
In a relationship, we often want the best for our partner. But when it gets to a point where all you are doing is changing things about the other person, even things that don’t need to be changed, then there is clearly a problem.
We want our partner to be a better person, but what if that’s not what you are really after? What if the goal is just to transform them into the ideal person for you? That’s not only not right, but it shows that you are toxic to the other person because they are clearly not good enough for you the way they are.
When your partner has to change their entire identity to fit the picture in your head, it is time to reevaluate not only your relationship, but also yourself. And it may be time to decide what you really want out of a partner and a relationship.
You Don’t Offer Praise
In relationships, we expect to have at least a little praise from our partner. From hearing that we have done good or even getting congratulations for a job well done, praise helps a relationship bloom because it builds our partner up.
If you are a more controlling partner, you may withhold praise and basically ignore when your partner does something well. In fact, you may even find ways to point out faults and flaws or things they could have done better, essentially making the other person feel bad about what they did.
It can often be a way to hold a partner down so that they don’t outshine you in any way.
Sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing this. To counteract this behavior, start telling your partner when they have done something well or even tell them when they look good (their hair looks nice, their outfit looks good, whatever it is). It is about finding a way to offer praise when usually you withhold it.
You Don’t Respect Their Other Relationships
You don’t have to like everyone that your partner does. But if you try to dictate or control their other relationships that is when problems arise. You should not be getting in the way of their friendships or work relationships or anything else.
They are adults and don’t need you interfering. At the same time, you should be respectful enough of your partner to not try to ruin their outside relationships.
And if you have a legitimate problem with your partner’s friend or coworker or even family member, then you should talk to your partner and explain yourself. Find a way to deal with the issues and make it so that they can continue to have the relationship outside of your romantic partnership.
Toxic relationships are simply not healthy. And if you find that you are at the heart of the problem, it may be time to take a closer look at yourself and figure out what you can do to turn things around for you and your partner.