Hypersensuality is sometimes called compulsive sensual behavior, hypersensuality disorder or sensual addiction. You may have never heard of these terms before, but I assure you that they do exist.
I know this because I have experienced both and the challenges that resulted from that are often difficult to manage.
You may have wondered like I have how anyone can become hyposensual or hypersensual if they seemed like they were doing fine before.
In this article, I explain what hyposensuality and hypersensuality is and how to talk to your partner about it in order to create a stronger relationship with each other.
By being able to build a stronger relationship with each other, you may be able to reverse the negativity associated with such varying sensual drives, because a sensual drive is what these two sensualities share in common the most and is the reason for most of the challenges involved.
Before you can know about the challenges of being hyposensual or hyposensual, you need to know the main difference between the two sensual drives. To be hyposensual is to have a low libido. On the other hand, to be hypersensual is to have a high libido. By knowing this, you can read on about the challenges of each sensual drive.
Hyposensuality Overview
Hyposensuality is often confused with asensuality and neither is it a sensual orientation. The difference being is that if someone is hyposensual, they may have a low libido but a well-defined sensual orientation.
For example, someone may be straight or gay and just not be interested in copulation at the time, so they are still straight or gay.
Being asensual is not about having a low libido necessarily, but having no interest in either gender and is a separate sensual orientation from being either heterosensual, homosensual or bisensual.
Asensual people may remain virgins due to their lack of interest in gender, but they may practice self-pleasure instead.
No sensual awakening
Some people may experience hyposensuality because they have not experienced a sensual awakening yet. They may be inclined to like one gender over another, so they are not asensual, just a virgin waiting for the right person and the right time.
The furthest some of these people have ever gone is to just be friends with those they enjoy the company of, and until they are ready to be sensual, they may continue to have a lower copulation drive.
For example, when you are underage and still in school, you may have friends of one gender more than the other and be ok with that even while in high school or college.
To not have had a sensual awakening is not a bad thing, you just have a lot to experience and learn from your body and from others. The attraction is key for a sensual awakening to occur.
Some people may find others physically attractive while others may find the essence of someone far more attractive. When you do find someone who gets you excited sensually, you will wake up sensually and find an increase in your copulation drive.
Upbringing
You may have come from a very religious and/or conservative family and talking about sensuality in any way seemed unnatural, so you may have avoided asking questions or learning things on your own even if you were curious.
You may have even dressed a certain way to avoid tempting the opposite gender, so you got less notice when you could have had more.
Doing anything solo seemed wrong as well, so even if you did try a few things, you may have suppressed those urges. This will all make raising your sensual drive very hard as you may have a lot of guilt to deal with.
How you feel
You can also be hyposensual when you are depressed, anxious, or angry. It may be very difficult for you to enjoy anything pleasurable, especially anything sensual because, in order to enjoy anything sensual, you have to be relaxed. Almost anything can cause this, so try to notice when your interest in copulation changes.
Past trauma
To get into a relaxed state of mind may prove almost impossible, especially if you or your partner was sensually abused, harassed, raped or forced to do anything you didn’t want to without your consent.
There may be a lot of tension around your pleasure points which doesn’t allow you to feel pleasure where you once could. This may make any sensual contact you do have to feel forced and uncomfortable, so you deny your sensual feelings and become hyposensual to avoid any pain.
On the other side of the spectrum is hypersensuality, and even though both hyposensuality and hypersensuality may seem alike, they are far from being the same sensual drive.
Hypersensuality Overview
Puberty and/or first sensual experience
You may have recently experienced your first sensual encounter, and you feel alive sensually. All you may think about and want is copulation.
You may be hypersensual. This is especially true when you are a teenage or young adult and your hormones are out of whack. You may feel out of control and notice things you never did before about yourself and the ones you may have romantic feelings for.
Those romantic feelings soon become sensual pulls and you can’t help but to want to discover their body.
Society
Hypersensuality may stem from the fact that our society is saturated with sensual imagery. Wherever you go, there is an underlying message that is often sensual. This can be the case regarding the foods you eat, the places you see and hear of, and especially of the media you consume.
Copulation is everywhere and even when it is hidden well, you may know that something is not quite right. You may have missed this before when you weren’t awake sensually simply because the sensuality of any kind is never openly talked about or even accepted except in private with two consenting adults.
Upbringing
Your family may still be religious and/or conservative and you vow to never be like them. Or, you may have come from an open-minded family, so you see your sensuality as something to be explored to the fullest and your family supports your decision.
How you feel
To fight off depression, anxiety, and anger, you may turn your attention to porn and have many sensual exploits. This can be dangerous if left unchecked, especially if this behavior leads to severe procrastination and behavioral problems.
Past trauma
To become hypersensual after being abused sensually may be the result of wanting to reclaim power and to establish your own sensuality. By either giving pain to someone else, you feel empowered. Or, by reclaiming your sensuality back, you feel normal when you didn’t feel normal before.
All of these reasons about why someone becomes hyposensual or hypersensual are very important to talk about to someone who can help you or your partner to not only have a normal copulation life but to help both of you understand the reasons why you feel the way you do and how that might affect those you come into contact with.
If you have a partner who doesn’t understand the sudden shift(s) between sensual drives, then knowing how to talk to your partner may be very crucial for the health of the relationship.
How to talk to your partner
First and foremost, you will want them to know about hyposensuality and hypersensuality. You will want them to know this so that if you or your partner experience a sudden shift in sensual drive, you can support each other as both of you get the help you need in order to recover.
Then you will want to explain to your partner the reasons for the sudden shift in your copulation drive. This will take a lot of self-reflection as you and your partner trace your memories back to when the shift occurred. With the help of your partner, you may get through this faster than if you were on your own.
Then you will want your partner to know that they can help you and describe to them what they need to do for you. This may seem tricky if you don’t know the answers, so you may just need to take things slowly and to just inform your partner what you need at the time.
This will allow both of you to continue the relationship in a healthy way as you navigate the underlying reason(s) for your change of sensual drive with someone you trust.
If a supportive partner is not what you need, then you may want to seek the guidance of a therapist, a dating coach, or a copulation therapist. A dating coach may be able to teach you how to be better supportive partners for each other, while a sensual therapist is trained specifically in issues regarding copulation.
Since there may be a lot to uncover and understand, a therapist may ultimately be the one you may feel most inclined to seek to counsel from, since they can help you simply by hearing your concerns and frustrations and helping you to solve them.
Fun date ideas
Now that you know that your relationship is not doomed because of changes in sensual drives and that you can rely on each other for support during those difficult times, you may want to go out on a date together, but now you may not know what to do. Below I give a few examples for each sensuality.
Note: I am not an expert on this topic, so these date ideas may or may not be suitable for everyone.
Fun date ideas for those who are hyposensual
For someone who is hyposensual and who doesn’t want to be sensual, you may decide to keep dates simple by going out to public places where there is enough activity to keep both of you busy and entertained. This will take off the pressure of having to make any move or to strike up a conversation when one isn’t initiated.
For someone who is hyposensual and who do want to be sensual, you may want to start out by going on a date in public, but then take your date home with you or go somewhere more private.
By doing so, you allow for a balance of activity and conversation, enough to get a stir of a sensual drive as both of you feel safe with each other.
Hypersensuality fun date ideas
A hypersensual person needs to be free to explore their sensuality, and if they choose to be with one person, then all is needed is consent. If consent is not given, do not feel obliged to give in to their demand. Rather, try to give them time to be sensual with you and move on to other activities.
You may even want to treat the hypersensual person the same way as the hyposensual person to decrease their sensual drive a bit, especially if that drive is directed towards you a little too much.
I have discovered for myself that sensual drives change multiple times a day. It can be difficult or easy to deal with if you know how to solve any challenges that come your way. Whether someone you are dating is hyposensual or hypersensual, all you need is consent.
If consent is earned and you still feel overwhelmed by the lack or abundance of copulation, you may want to talk to cognitive behavioral therapy or a sensual therapist.
You and your partner should learn how to contain your sensual drives in a healthy way so that you do not become hypo/hypersensual and risk losing the relationship.
Everyone deserves to have a healthy relationship with copulation and with their sensuality regardless of what it is, and everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship with the one they love.