Where did the phrase ‘nice guys finish last’ originate from? It was Leo Durocher, US baseball manager referring to the opposing team rather than to male-female relationship dynamics.
But the same analogy could apply to the question are you dating a nice guy, but is he Mr. Right? Do the good guys finish last in the dating world like they do in sports?
Okay let’s get it out on the table before we move on. Nice guys are kind hearted, respectful of others and sincere in their attitude of always wanting to be helpful. So what’s wrong with that, one might ask? Well they might be considered to also be boring and not very exciting in the dating world. Is this your opinion?
As women over 40 are we looking for the excitement of a high energy fun guy that keeps us laughing and sometimes guessing what he is up to? Or are we looking for the kind of man that will be there for us in the ups and downs of life? Obviously it isn’t an either or scenario as in good guys versus the exciting and challenging men. But it does suggest that we might want to get clear on our values.
Some women may be asking how to find a nice guy? If you have been attracting the losers liars and players you may be ready for a honest down to earth type man.
I recently spoke to one women who told me when she finally did meet a nice guy over 40 she found him boring. So what is left after these two extremes, something in the middle?
The problem that often presents itself when a man is caring, kind, sincere and helpful is to sort out if he’s the one. From my experience it takes more time to get to know the nice guys and their attributes than it does to experience the fun and exciting men and at best have the illusion that you really know who they are.
Have you ever had the experience when dating a really charming, handsome male who made your heart go pitter patter and you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to find him. You know the kind of person who was so exciting to be with and so attentive to you that you felt on cloud nine and just wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.
But then after a few months he began to back away and you were seeing him less and when you did see him, he seemed distance? You’re clear that something has changed but you are not sure what happened. And then one day he disappears.
Well the truth is he was a player and you were his toy until he got tired of you and went looking for a new toy. It is a simple as that and not a fun experience but one that you can learn from. Quite frankly identifying your one and only can be challenging. Mr. Right can come disguised in many personalities.
It is not like all charming exciting and handsome men are players anymore than nice guys are losers. The secret is to have balance between what your head tells you versus what you feel in your heart.
So when dating a nice guy – but is he Mr. Right comes up at big question mark do this. Ask yourself is he a nice guy that has respect for himself, or is he a nice guy who is a doormat and has no self respect?
It really boils down to nice guys can finish first if they pass the test of self respect. There you have it, the answer to this sometimes tricky question.