Expressing that you have feelings for the person you’ve been seeing can be extremely difficult.
You may have been seeing each other for quite some time, and want to move your relationship to the next level, you want to be in actual relationship.
It takes a lot of courage and perhaps can take a while for you to actually form the words. But eventually, if you decide you do want to establish what you are, then you might have to initiate the conversation. It’s a very vulnerable feeling. You want them to feel the same, and you hope that when you say it, but you don’t know if it will be reciprocated.
You have to keep in mind that they might not feel the same. Which I know we’ll suck so bad. You might feel physically sick when finding out. Of course, it’s to be expected. You see a future with that person, but they don’t feel the same. It’s as if you guys have already broken up without actually really dating – that’s the hard thing about not knowing where you stand.
Being rejected is tough to handle in general, but being rejected in romantic relationships is even worse. It hits home pretty hard because it feels like they aren’t rejecting your abilities (as in jobs, auditions, etc), they are rejecting who you are as a person. So no wonder it feels like your world has just been shattered.
But being able to handle the rejection in a healthy manner is the best way to cope.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Try to Think in Perspective
Photo by Nik Shuliahin
Yes, right now the rejection feels like a personal attack on yourself. You might be going over all the things you find in yourself that you think are "flaws."
You think they would have liked you if you were twenty pounds lighter, had better hair, had a cuter face, etc. The list can go on and on.
But you need to stop the negative self-talk. Because you don’t know why they don’t want to date you (unless they tell you) so you’re just guessing in the wind, and they will drive you crazy.
Keep in perspective that this feeling won’t last forever. Right now it totally sucks and your self-esteem may be at an all-time low, but it will get better. Time will pass, and with the passing of time, so will your intense feelings on the matter.
2. Go Play Sports/Engage in Physical Activities
Photo by Bruno Nascimento
One of the most unhealthy things is to sit around, eat and mope. I would say the first day or two after rejection you can engage in such activities.
Buy that pint of ice cream, watch the saddest rom-com you can find and cry it out. You’re allowed to have that time to "mourn." You’re seeking comfort and it’s okay to revel in that for a little bit.
But not forever.
Each day tries to incorporate a physical activity. Whether that’s jogging, dancing, Zumba, hiking. There are so many different kinds of activities that can get your heart pumping, and produce all the feel-good hormones. Plus, it will provide you a distraction, and yield a sense of accomplishment.
3. Go Travel Somewhere
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If you have the money, I would suggest traveling. Even if it’s just a day trip, being in a new area is exciting and refreshing. It provides you the chance of getting out of your area and forgetting about the rejection. If you’re not one to travel alone, I would suggest going with a good friend.
This would be a great time to focus and nurture your friendships because in the end of the day it’s your friends that will be there the longest.
So go have some fun. You never know who you might even run across on your travels. It could potentially lead to a future relationship, but you must be open to this idea, and not living in the past.
Facing rejection can be very difficult. But remember, this too shall pass.