Sex toys… love ‘em or hate ‘em. At some point as a grown up, it might be an idea to break one (or two) out of the closet.
It might be you’ve passed a milestone in the relationship. Maybe things in the bedroom haven’t just gone stale… but maybe there are metaphorical cobwebs, I don’t know and I’ll let you decide.
Maybe you’re passed the honeymoon stage, and can even fart in front of, leave the door open, and only shave your legs every other week with your current partner. But there’s something less in the magic between you lately. You know?
Maybe you just have an itch that only a certain toy can scratch and still haven’t found the courage to tell him/her that you’d like them to meet Dr. Vein, who happens to made of silicone, is about a foot long and lives in your sock drawer.
Maybe it’s something as simple and delightfully personal as a butt plug with a gem stone set in it.
If it’s a ski mask and a chainsaw, maybe talk to your partner some more first, after seeing the doctor.
I know what I like, but I don’t want to freak my partner out…
Even dated statistics show that, no matter how single or married a woman is, chances are, she is most likely to own a vibrator at some point in her life. Even back in 2013, the sex toy industry was a staggering 15 billion dollar one in the USA alone. In fact, more married women own one (or several), than ever before. Why?
Today, more than ever, solo and coupled play centers usually have some form of external stimulus that is more than what nature has blessed us with. Helping yourself across the line (either in private or with your partner) is nothing new and certainly nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. For some it’s a toy. An outfit, or a particular popular adult video site, which shall remain nameless.
If anything, from a male perspective, if it can make a woman scream and he still gets to do his usual business, he’s most likely all for it. If he can get off on it too, he’ll probably pay for it and be waiting for you in the sack before it’s even unwrapped.
The three second rule…
Much like a dropped bagel or other food stuffs, if it can be salvaged and dusted off before eating, without your partner packing their stuff to leave, you’re in! If they don’t leap from the bed or window at the mere mention or sight of something different, you’re halfway there, yes truly you are.
Something small and simple is always nice. If it can be a gift for your partner, even better. Or, in most cases, it’s presented as something you both like, and just know it will turn the heat up to 11. If you’re still not sure, here’s a couple of easy picks to consider.
- The bullet vibrator: A household/bedside staple for many, and suits shared use beautifully.
- The butt plug with a gem stone: Birthdays and special occasions, private shows or just feeling your best. These are not gender specific!
- The C-ring: Makes you both scream and it’s cheap and effective!
- The prostate plug: You might find he starts spending an hour in the bathroom as a side effect
Try to consider it as a mutual object/accessory, something that will work for you both. If a man is incredibly hard and having the time of his life, so is his partner, and likewise for the reverse. And something like a C-ring or prostate vibrator is something he can use on his own, which might also help with his own performance and sexual discovery, so win/win.
A note on butt plugs: The flashy butt plug with a gemstone type, is awesome, and makes a standard strip tease or growling out something extra spesh. But if, like me, you have an extra butt, spare a thought for the choice of accessory. If no-one’s gonna see it let alone feel it, pick something else.
It’s the only way I can finish!
Most of us gals will be the first to unroll the huge schematic diagram, the blueprint of what’s actually involved in one of our orgasms. If you can introduce that one thing; that silver bullet that you know makes you gush, then there’s every chance your partner will be up for it. Tell them! And even better, show them!
Not just for the ladies either. Plenty of guys today have a secret (or not so secret) helper. Something to enhance, maintain or delay proceedings is only ever going to have a positive effect on both of you, and for the better.
Likewise, and this is so true for parents of younger kids. Sometimes, you just don’t have the time, so anything that will expedite the fireworks, without putting them out forever, is definitely a bonus. I know of couples who have a timetable, certain minutes of certain days, with certain toys at the ready. They’ve never been happier. Remember; it’s whatever works for you both that counts.
It’s an accessory, not a kidney!
Toys can be a great way to bring couples closer, but just how much of a role could or should they play in any intimacy and relationship? That’s up to you and your partner to decide.
There’s no safe or dangerous level of play. If you have time, mutual energies and the hardware to carry out the life of your dreams, more power to ya.
Newcomers or partners who have only just opened up to their significant other might want to go easy at first. Just because he/she liked it that Saturday after a few too many red wines, doesn’t mean they want it that way every morning, noon and night.
Dependence on anything that is distracting you or your partner from fulfilling everyday life stuff could be a problem, and you don’t need a toy every time. Do you? Take time to set aside a day for other types of intimacy, like watching old movies, or hanging out like you used to do. It’s really like anything, use a toy as an accessory, something fun, but try not to overlook the other facets of who you are as friends as well as lovers. This, it seems, is the real key in all relationships that last a long time and that are worthwhile.