One of the best things about being in a relationship is the sheer fact that two different personalities — with unique points of view, experiences, likes, and dislikes — can come together into one union.
And also one of the hardest things about being in a relationship is the sheer fact that two different personalities — with unique points of view, experiences, likes, and dislikes — can come together into one union.
Dating another human being is complicated. No, duh. But the struggles are (usually) worth it just so you can get to know someone who doesn’t think exactly the way you do. Let’s face it, dating yourself would get pretty boring, no matter how awesome you are.
There are probably plenty of moments when your partner has opened your eyes to something amazing you never knew about — like when you kicked and screamed about watching Game of Thrones, but then realized it was freakin’ awesome after your significant other made you watch season one.
You’ve probably had some rousing discussion about whose baseball team is the best or why The Bachelor sucks/is amazing. Part of the fun of being with someone is bringing a different POV to the table and having conversations (sometimes a heated conversations) about what you might not agree on.
But those disagreements aren’t always engaging and exciting, like some witty reparte from Copulation and the City. Most of the time they go something like this:
"Babe, I think we should probably take the subway to get there."
"Um, no, I think a Lyft will get us there faster."
"I doubt it and the subway is cheaper."
"You doubt it?! I’ll pull it up on Google Maps. It’s 100% the better route…"
And on and on into oblivion.
Mundane little agruments are something you can expect in the day-to-day of a relationship, which is fine! What’s not fine is circling around the same issue for 40 minutes, hashing out your individual points until you’re blue in the face.
Honestly, you’ll never make your dinner reservation if you keep going around this metaphorical hamster wheel.
This new dating trend aims to try and stop those frustrating conversations before they can get anywhere. It’s called “speed agreeing" and it basically involves yelling out your agreement to end what will surely be a pointless and infuriating argument. The technique then suggests changing the subject, so as to shift the topic and avoid lingering on the already-solved issue.
Now, we see some merits to this idea. But there are also a few of unrealistic aspects to just yelling out, "ACTUALLY, LET’S TAKE A LYFT! So, should we get ice cream after dinner, honey?" and effectively ending your conversation.
First of all, who says you have to agree with your partner all the dang time? Like we said, part of the wonder of relationships is being exposed to people who don’t think like you! So when you just agree (even when you don’t actually agree) that pretty much takes away a huge aspect of your relationship – your opinion.
Secondly, if you don’t warn your partner that you’re going to start exclaming things mid-sentence, they might feel attacked. A bigger argument could ensue, feelings could be hurt, etc.
All that being said, there is definitely a time and place where "speed agreeing" could be helpful. Mainly, mundane little agruments where both answers would work out fine – for example, the subway vs. Lyft debate. Either method is going to get you to dinner, so why not just quickly choose one option to stop you both from rambling?
When it comes to bigger arguments – say, about where to move or other huge life choices – you might want to pass on this technique. Bigger topics definitely require bigger conversations.
If this is something that is sparking your interest, it’s definitely worth sitting your partner down and asking if you could give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? You try awkwardly exclaming at the start of a conversation once…and it feels weird. So you stop.
Hey, you tried!
What do you think about the idea of "speed agreeing"? Are you compelled or do you think it’s a useless new trend?