Being asensual is often misunderstood – especially in the dating world. Asensual people can find romance, just in their own way.
What Being Asensual Is… and Isn’t
While many people may think being asensual means something is wrong with a person, that’s simply not true. Being asensual is not the same as being voluntarily celibate, either. Being asensual is perfectly normal and asensual people can still crave relationships. There are even different kinds of being asensual.
Asensual people never feel sensual attraction.
Demisensual people can feel sensual attraction after forming an emotional attraction to a partner.
Gray-asensual people can fall along the sensual spectrum and can be in between asensual and sensual.
How Asensual People Find Love
Even within the LGBTQIA community, some asensual people can feel forgotten.
"I’ve found that asensuality gets shoved aside. In pride parades it kind of goes back to that society is sensualized — just because I’m not having copulation doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love," said Dae, an asensual woman, to ABC Australia).
Dae and her partner Tash find intimacy in their own way. "We hug, we kiss on the cheek — there’s a lot of verbal intimacy rather than physical intimacy", said Dae.
"Being asensual you’re not attracted sensually. I can appreciate Dae’s aesthetics, but it’s roughly the same way I’d look at a marble statue in a museum — they are very pretty and you can admire the creation or everything that’s gone into creating it, but you’re not really attracted to it," said Tash.
Another asensual woman, Liz, told the BBC how important it is to have open communication about how you want to express intimacy.
"Asensual just means a lack of sensual attraction. It doesn’t mean lack of anything else. It can be interpreted in so many ways. They’re the same issues as in any relationship really, because you never know what someone is or isn’t into and you should probably have that conversation before you have copulation,"said Liz).
"I think that’s the case in all relationships; it’s not going to work if you don’t communicate."
Professional Advice on Dating for Asensual People
"Remember that there are many ways to cultivate closeness aside from copulation," said relationship expert Jessica O’Reilly. "Asensuals — like all people — have their individual needs, desires and boundaries. Talk about these! Share your own and support your partner’s willingness to share",said O’Reilly.
Another relationship expert, Chantal Heide, advises couples with an asensual partner to remember love as the ultimate goal of the relationship.
"Letting partners know exactly what’s appreciated about them on a regular basis will tickle their brain and heart, filling them with knowledge regarding the important role they play in the relationship,"said Heide. "Love, when practiced as a verb together, always helps make relationships work,"added Heide.