Being a single woman is often stigmatized. Unfortunately, the comments that are made whenever someone learns you’re single are often frustrating and even disheartening.
No, we aren’t always lonely or even feel alone. No, we aren’t looking to be set up with your friend’s friend or your co-worker’s cousin’s best friend. No, I don’t want to explain to you why I am single. Honestly, it’s none of your business.
The following is a list of things single women are simply tired of hearing because after all this time we do have a list.
Let me help you find someone
While the "let me find you someone" comments are not necessarily a frequent refrain, they are frustrating. Unless we ask for romantic help, we probably aren’t looking for assistance.
There is something exceedingly awkward about being set up on a blind date or forced to meet someone we know nothing about. This is especially true when someone deals with social anxieties.
On top of that, if we really wanted to find love, don’t you think we would be searching ourselves? That’s not to say we are or are not on the hunt for a partner, but unless we ask for help, the best course of action is to leave us to our own devices.
Why are you still single?
This is not the innocent question you may think it is. You don’t know what circumstances led to that person being single, so why are you putting emphasis on the fact that they don’t have a partner?
Not only can this be considered rude, but often it seems to be almost a way to dig at someone’s insecurities. You don’t know how a person is going to react to this question and it is better for everyone if you keep your thoughts to yourself.
You don’t know what their reasons for being single are and unless you absolutely do, it’s best to let your own curiosity remain unsatisfied. Frankly, it is none of your business and it’s not fair to the person you’re asking.
I feel so bad for you
Did I ask you to feel bad for me that I am single? If not, then why are you feeling anything about my relationship status. Being single can be a choice, and you feeling bad for someone just because they are single makes absolutely no sense.
And excuse me… but maybe I feel bad for you in your relationship. It never feels good to be judged and that is exactly how these comments come across, as being judgmental and intrusive.
While you may feel sorry for someone who genuinely wants to be in a relationship and has had a hard time finding love, that doesn’t mean the person wants to hear that. It can be hard enough finding a relationship without having people passing judgment on a person’s lack of one.
Aren’t you lonely?
Can you feel me rolling my eyes here? Honestly, even when you’re in a relationship you can feel alone or lonely. A relationship is not a magical cure for those feelings.
At the same time, there are plenty of things that can make us feel as if we are not alone, such as our friends, our family, and even our pets. Nothing says that a partner has to satisfy our need for companionship.
What about your future?
When people ask about your future as a single person, they are typically talking about things like weddings and children. How do you even know that a person wants those things even if they’re in a relationship? There are plenty of people out there who have no interest in either being married or having children.
Again, this is a case of imposing your own needs/wants/desires onto someone else. Ultimately, it’s not fair for you to do this to someone, because what may work for you does not have to work for anyone else.
When it comes to being single, there are plenty of people who are happy and content not being in a relationship. While we may appreciate the concern from our loved ones, that does not mean we want or need your judgment. We appreciate the fact that you love us enough to be worried, but unless you know exactly what a person wants, there is no need for you to try and make anyone feel bad for being single.
Being single is not a bad thing. In fact, for some people, it is exactly what they want to be.
Image Credit: Unsplash