Love can be a beautiful thing that not only warms the heart, but also inspires us and gives us life. However, love can also be something painful. The pain comes from loving someone who you simply can’t have. And while there is no cure for unrequited love, there are some tips that help when it comes to dealing with the pain.
Whether the person you love already has a partner, is a best friend already in love with someone else, or is someone you simply can’t be with, there are plenty of reasons why you may not be able to be with the one you love. Recognizing that you can’t be with that person is half the battle, but it won’t stop you from feeling the pain of knowing you can’t be together.
For some people, having the one you love in your life no matter what, is worth the pain of not being able to actually be with them. Even being near the one you love can be enough to satisfy you (at least for now).
While we can’t help stop the pain for you, we can offer some tips for handling that pain in order to allow the person you love to remain an integral part of you life.
Tips for Dealing With the Pain of Unrequited Love
This can sometimes be a tricky thing to do. But the reality is that in situations like this, you need to learn how to compartmentalize your feelings. In order to enjoy the time you do have with the other person, you need to be with them 100 percent. This means being in the moment and not over analyzing things. Don’t let emotions cloud the enjoyment you get out of spending time with the person you love.
Don’t ask them painful questions
Painful questions are just a bad idea. Don’t ask them leading questions or what-if type questions. There is no what-if that is worth added emotional stress. On top of being painful to hear the answer, it can also cause awkwardness and tension. There is no need to torture yourself even more.
Don’t ask for more from your time together
If you are lucky enough to spend time with someone you love, enjoy that time. Don’t ask for more from them. And make sure that you are only staying focused on the good times together. It’s also not a good idea to demand things that they are unlikely to be able or willing to give you. Enjoy the time you have and let go of the fact that at the end of the day they aren’t your partner.
Be a friend
It’s important to still be their friend if that is the relationship you have. Friendship is important and being there for someone you love is too. Be supportive. Listen to them and let them tell you how they feel. But you should never try to influence them in a way that benefits you! At the same time, being there for that person should never hurt you. You should still guard your feelings and make sure that being there as a friend isn’t destroying you.
Don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not
Pretending that you are okay is only going to get you so far. Even if you have to take some time away from this person, you have to deal with the pain and come to terms with the reality of your relationship.
Spend time with other friends
Spending your time with other friends is a great way to take time for yourself in a way that reminds you that you are not alone. Even if your friends don’t know about your unrequited love, being with them can help ease some of the pain. Friends are your rock and they should be there to support you. (If they aren’t, then you may need new friends.)
Get a hobby or enjoy hobbies you already take part in
Hobbies are a great distraction. Not only can they be a great way to spend your time, but they can also take your mind off of the pain of loving someone you can’t have. Perhaps your hobbies will lead you to a new love, or maybe even help find an outlet for all the pent-up emotions. Whatever helps is a bonus and something you need to utilize.
Although you could tell the person how you feel as a last resort, there is nothing that guarantees the outcome. This could end up being a bad idea that ruins not just one relationship, but many. Sometimes weighing the pros and cons of a decision is necessary to decide if it is worth the fall-out from that kind of reveal. Dating advice aside, there are consequences to the things we say and do. And before you make the decision to reveal your love to someone unavailable to you, it is important to remember what it can mean for all the people involved.
While unrequited love can be painful, there is no reason to allow it to be all-consuming. Don’t let it ruin you, your friendships, or your sanity. You can pout, get angry, cry… Whatever you need to do – do it! But then it is time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on.