So you’ve done it. You’ve scored the first date with that special someone – whether that be the hot guy or gal you were chatting with on Tinder or the resident office cutie.
But it comes down to it, and nothing seems to be going right. Maybe he looks nothing like his profile pictures.. maybe she chews too noisily. Or maybe they’re just plain annoying.
Here are the top ten red flags to look out for on a first date that proves that your date might not be boyfriend or girlfriend material.
1. If they’re rude to waitstaff
This is a huge red flag, a loud blaring alarm. If your date is rude to the people serving you at a restaurant or to the teenager grabbing your popcorn at a movie theatre that probably means that he or she
A) has never worked in retail before and doesn’t know the meaning of customer service and
B,) is just plain rude. Think about it. If you’ve been on a date with someone like this and ignored this red flag, are you still with that person?
Did that person ever truly treat you with respect? Would you describe this person as a compassionate individual in any other context?
If the answer is no to any of those questions, then save yourself the heartache and ditch the date. If they can’t be nice to someone who’s serving you and making sure that you have an enjoyable first time, then they’ll never truly be kind to you.
2. They get too serious
One minute you’re laughing over a glass of wine and the next your date is talking about their dream wedding and the number of kids they want to have.
Or worse, talking about bringing you to this family barbeque that coming weekend. You’ve only just met them, and they’ve already planned your lives together.
This is a sign that they like to jump quickly into relationships, which could mean that they’re clingy and desperate for emotional connection.
The fact is that healthy relationships develop over time and while it’s completely natural to have instant chemistry, planning your wedding on the first date is not quite the way to ensure a solid foundation for your relationship.
They keep talking about or bad mouthing their exes,
One of the biggest first date no-no’s is to bring up an ex so that in itself should be a strike.
But if you let that slide and find that not only is your date talking about their exes, but badmouthing all of them, you should probably rethink going on a second date.
One bad ex is one thing, two is coincidental, but three, four, or five, and maybe the problem isn’t the exes. Plus, you wouldn’t want to become ex-number six that he badmouths on his next date.
3. They get too drunk
Everyone has first date jitters and sometimes a glass of wine is just enough to take the edge off.
But if your date is getting drunk to the point of falling, belligerence, or worse, throwing up, you should probably politely pay for your meal, give your date a ride home, and let them down easy if they ask you out a second time.
4. They lack personal hygiene
Sweat and spills happen, and sometimes hair falls out of place but if your date arrives and looks disheveled and like they hardly put in any effort to look presentable, you should probably rethink that second date.
A date is like an interview, and that first impression is important. Someone who doesn’t even bother to wear their nicest pair of jeans or cleanest pair of sneakers doesn’t care too much about you.
There’s no need to don a tuxedo or break out your old prom dress, but a little effort goes a long way. Apparently, dress appropriately for your date – like if you’re going on a run or hike together dress accordingly, but there’s still a level of effort that can be put into a workout outfit.
5. They don’t respect your boundaries
This is by far the biggest red flag. No means no, and you can say no f you are not comfortable with anything that your date suggests.
Don’t want to give your date a goodnight kiss or invite them in for a night cap? That’s perfectly fine.
You don’t have to. You do not owe your date anything – whether they paid for your meal or not – and don’t let them tell you otherwise.
Things happen – sometimes we forget our manners or get a little too tipsy on the first date, but some of these signs are total deal breakers once your date becomes a repeat offender.
The next time you’re on a first date, keep your wits about you and be on the look out.
Photo credit: [Tomi Nieminen]