A few months ago I wrote an article about “Top 20 tips to follow on your first date.” This article is more detailed about the dating process for the first date, but I wanted to incorporate some of my own personal mistakes that I have made during many of my first dates.
I believe that first dates are very important, they give the other person an impression of you that may last the duration of the entire relationship. To make sure that you do not follow in my footsteps, I have compiled yet another list of what not to do on a first date.
I hope that this list is as useful for you as it is for me and that you can one day enjoy coming up with your own first date ideas in the future without fearing these biggest dating mistakes.
Do not feel insecure
Your date does not want to know whether you feel fat or ugly on that day, or that you haven’t been on a date or out being social in a while. This may make your date uncomfortable and likely to not take you seriously, or even show you respect.
Do not pay more attention to your phone than your date
While it may seem like a harmless habit, being on your phone, especially while on a date, can come off as a huge insult to your date. This will make your date think you are not interested in them and it will also build a wall for conversation. Instead, keep your phone away and only use it for an emergency.
Do not expect your date to pay for anything
Ladies, I know you may think it is nice and gentleman like to have your date pay for your drink or for your meal, but going dutch, which is about both people paying for their own things, may make you seem more independent and worthy of respect.
Do not dress too casual or too formal
You do not need to dress as though you are staying at home being lazy or as though you are going to some party, but you do need to dress well and according to where you are headed.
Do not force your humor but instead allow it to come naturally
The best jokes are often the ones that come naturally on the spur of the moment, so you do not need to come up with some kind of joke beforehand. Most guys and girls love someone who can make them laugh, so try to be the funny you that you are.
Do not get too physical too soon
Breaking the touch barrier can be difficult, but dating isn’t a marathon, so try to be as physical with your date as your date allows. Better yet, keep the tension coming, your date may soon crave your touch.
Do not bring up the past, whether that is your ex(s) or anything too personal
The best thing you can do if you are bringing up memories like these is to talk to a friend, a family member, a therapist, just anyone but your date. In time, you may be able to share more personal memories with your date, but not during the first date.
Do not try to be someone else by trying to please your date
If your date doesn’t like you for you, move on, it is as simple as that.
Do not agree to go on a second date should you either get too many red flags or you just aren’t interested in your date
If your date treated you poorly and you ignored any warning signs, this may be what drives you to your first fight if it isn’t worked out soon enough. If you aren’t that into your date, do not brush off your date too quickly if you see yourself enjoying their company. Love takes time and a lot of work to make it happen.
Do not feel pressured to become friends with your date should either of you end the date early
It isn’t like you’ve been dating for a few years, so don’t feel bad for not giving your date a second chance or to be their friend.
Do not assume that your date can either fill a void or become a parent/sibling/mentor for you and make you feel validated and worthy of love
You must first and foremost love yourself. Any love that you may want to give to someone comes from within yourself. If you need support, your date may be able to give that to you, but your date won’t be able to fulfill it the way you want them to. Try solving any childhood wounds or making peace with yourself if that is what it takes for you to open yourself to love and become receptive to love.
Do not do anything you don’t want to do
You always have a choice, and you must decide for yourself what you want to do with that choice.
Do not have your first date somewhere private
Be out in public for your first date so that you feel safe and you ease any discomfort you or your date may feel.
Do not forget to background check your date
Not everyone is who they say they are, so double check that the person you want to date is real.
Do not go on the first date with no conversation starters or places in mind
Go online and find some interesting questions to ask your date, or try expanding from some previous discussion the two of you may have had. Soon enough, you will get better at first date ideas and what to talk about, especially if neither of you enjoyed where you went and what you talked about. Most people want to find meaning in life, so you can always start a deep conversation if that is what your date also likes.
Do not forget manners
Manners are still very important when it comes to dating, so don’t forget your please and thank you’s. If your date is rude, this may translate into how they could treat you, so be careful.
Do not forget how to flirt properly
You aren’t talking to just a friend, but someone you may want to be in a relationship with or be sexual with. Try to be playful with your words and have fun.
Do not take your date for granted
Do not assume that just because everything went well with your date that they will still want to continue dating you. You need to always practice being mindful and present with your date and to just accept that things may change.
Do not forget to set expectations for future dates
If you like something a certain way, now is the time to make that known by communicating with your date, but don’t force anything or sound too serious too soon. You can simply set an expectation for a second date, but don’t expect anything from it just yet. This will allow you and your date to set the course for any relationship the two of you may have.
Do not forget to establish boundaries
If you don’t like something a certain way, now is the time to mention it. It is never too early to talk about boundaries that mean something to you. Just be sure that you do allow yourself to feel vulnerable around your date at some point to allow trust and intimacy in. This will also build respect for one another over time, allowing the two of you to bond like never before.