Flirting has always been a fine balance between making your intentions known and not offending the person you’re trying to link up with. In the era of #MeToo, it’s safe to say that guys have an even harder time figuring out how to flirt with a girl without appearing creepy. As a person who was born with a pair of boobs, I get it. It’s rough out there! If you’re struggling with the flirting game, I’m going to try to help you out. Here’s a quick guide on how to flirt in the two most common locations: via text, and at the bar…
How to Flirt With a Girl Over Text
If you’ve ever used Tinder, you already know that having a strong text game is the easiest way to ensure that you actually get somewhere in the dating scene. The hardest part is figuring out what to say, and how to say it. Here’s what you need to know…
Your Opening Can’t Suck
Every day, girls get at least five messages that simply say “Hey.” That’s great if you’re friends, but not if you’re just starting to flirt with a girl. When you’re flirting via text, sending “Hi!” is like admitting you have no idea how to flirt with a girl…or that you’re lazy. It shows no personality or effort, and girls don’t like that. A better option would be to mention something in your profile or to start off with a joke.
For example, if you see that she’s wearing a sports jersey, ask her if she plays the sport she’s a fan of. Or, if she’s posted a picture of her surfing, ask her where the last wave she caught was. Don’t see any clues on her profile? Not a problem. Just tell her a (NOT SEXUAL) joke to get her laughing. Jokes like these are generally the safest way to go. From there, you can get the conversation going.
Flirting Via Text
Once you have an opener, it’s time to actually talk about things. This is actually pretty easy to do. Ask her about her interests, tell her your stories, and pepper in compliments. You want your conversation to be a two-way street, and to show that you’re engaged in hearing about who she is as a person. Keep your topics upbeat and fun, rather than demanding or worse, complaint-filled.
This sounds like regular light-hearted banter, right? That’s because it is, with one small exception. You still want to make her interested in dating you, and you want to let her know that. Once in a while, tell her that she’s sexy or that you’re into her. After a couple of days, ask to meet in person. Ta da! You should be good to go after that.
If you’re still having trouble, check out our guide on how to talk to women without screwing up.
How to Flirt With a Girl at a Bar
The bar scene is where many singles end up finding their mate, or where they go for a quick fling. Like with all other social settings, the key to success is finesse. Here’s how to make the most of your trip out…
Nailing Your Approach
The easiest way to get a girl’s attention is to buy her (and maybe her friends) a drink. To do this, ask your bartender what she’s drinking and send the drinks over. It’s important not to expect anything to happen as a result of the drink. Rather, it’s about getting them to come to you and start up a chat. Drinks are a clear indicator of interest, so they know what’s up.
Another good option would be to ask a question. Some of the better choices include:
- “Hey, I’m new here. Do you have any cocktails you think I should try?” This is a good trick to use if you genuinely are new.
- “Did you see what happened outside?” Follow this up with a (real or fake, ideally real) incident you saw happen outside of the bar.
- “Hey, let’s play billiards!” Any sort of activity is a good way to get to know her.
Of course, if you’re the shy type, then you can always ask the bartender to introduce you. Most will be happy to oblige.
Chatting Her Up
When you get the introduction done, the next thing that you want to do is chat her up. If she’s with friends, talking to ALL of them is a must since you’ll come off as aggressive or sex-minded. Either way, you want to keep things lighthearted and upbeat. After all, you’re trying to show her that you’re there to have a fun time…and that she’ll have fun if she sticks around you, too.
Compliments are a good option here, but there’s a small caveat. Most guys make the mistake of sticking to purely superficial compliments. That’s not a good look, since it makes you appear like you’re only in it for sex. Complimenting her laugh, her smile, or even her fashion sense can go a lot further. Once the night is over, ask for her number.
If things are going really well and she’s already started to get touchy-feely, you might want to ask her if she wants to go home with you or to go on a date with you. Use your judgment on this one.
Don’t Be Creepy!
For most guys, the worst thing that they can be called is a creep. And, they’re right to feel that way. Being called a creep means that you don’t know how to flirt with a girl and that you’ve made her uncomfortable. Here’s how you can avoid being called the dreaded c-word:
- Don’t get sexual right away. Ideally, you shouldn’t bring up sex until the second or third time you chat with her. Going straight to the sexy stuff shows her that you’re not actually interested in her, but rather, what she can do for you in bed.
- If she says she’s not interested, don’t push it. It’s better to avoid talking to her again in most cases. Trying to push the subject is going to make her uncomfortable and will usually lead to ghosting.
- Give her time to reply. Girls do not spend a lot of time on Tinder. They have lives. Pushing for answers is not going to do you any favors.
- Whatever you do, do not freak out on her. Virtually every girl has a story about a guy they rejected who just couldn’t handle it and flipped out at her. This is nightmare fuel for girls, and trust me, girls talk. Doing this will wreck your reputation with ladies and also reinforce the idea that she was right to reject you.
- Don’t tell her she’s “not like other girls,” or complain about women. This is a great way to send red flags flying.
- Don’t be grabby. This is how you end up looking like a creep or get kicked out of a bar.
- Do have fun with it. Flirting isn’t something you should take so seriously. Women are not otherworldly beings or gatekeepers of sex. It should be part of the fun.