Parents help us do a lot, but should they pick our mates? It’s hard to find that perfect someone. If we can’t find that special someone, we often look to friends or dating apps. But should parents find a mate for us?
Matchmaking is an ancient tradition, but is it still relevant? Many parents feel they have to find a mate for their kids-even celebrity moms.
Oscar winner Sally Field recently wanted to play matchmaker for her son, Sam Greisman. When he professed a crush on Olympic skater Adam Rippon. They both took to social media to share their interest in Greisman possibly dating Rippon.
"Just some really helpful advice from my mom on how to deal with my Olympic crush," Greisman shared on Friday, along with a screenshot of their text message exchange.
In the text message, Greisman reveals that Field hilariously texted her son, "Sam… he’s insanely pretty. Find a way…" Field helpfully added.
Rippon was flattered by the attention from Field and wanted to reach out to Griesman.
"Sally! She bold,” Rippon said when asked about the attention from Field and Greisman. “Sam, your mom — I admire her,” he said. “And I’m sure one day we’re going to meet! So, thanks, Mom,”added Rippon.
Pros of Parents’ Matchmaking
Many parents, especially from Asian, African, or Orthodox Jewish cultures, see nothing wrong with finding mates for their kids. Many parents seek out matchmakers to find mates for their children, who are often American-born and delay marriage and children until their late 30’s.
Arranged marriages are common in some countries overseas and even in America. There was even a reality show on TLC, Married by Mom and Dad that showed parents choosing spouses for their children.
Some parents say that they are supposed to be active in choosing mates for their kids because they want to ensure that the in-laws will get along with the family to endure the unions of the two families. Proponents also say that a lot of research is done before a spouse is chosen, so there are no unpleasant surprises when a couple gets together.
Cons of Parents’ Matchmaking
While some parents say that matchmaking helps their kids find the perfect mate, many ask why parents are so involved in their kids’ social lives in the first place.
"The question every parent should ask him- or herself is ‘Why am I so concerned and involving myself in this?’” said Terri Colby Barr, a parenting consultant. “If your interest is selfish — grandchildren, bragging rights, wanting your child to have something that eluded you — then butt out.”
There is also a downside of matchmaking- kids don’t get to grow up. Finding a partner is an adult decision that should be made by adults for themselves. If parents find partners for their kids, then parents are robbing their kids of autonomy and finding love on their own.
Regardless of whether parents are matchmakers for their kids or are hands-off in their kids’ love lives, the most important thing is that parents offer their children love and respect.