Relationships between people are very complicated and sometimes controversial feelings. When falling in love (or thinking so), a person frequently changes their behavior, appearance, and other attributes to impress a wanted partnership candidate. Sometimes, it even leads to changed values, life principles, and goals.
If I’d write my essay on relationships myself, I would mention those two sides of the medal there. On the one hand, a strong feeling can be a good self-development motivator. On the other hand, an inadequate desire for a particular person will most likely be destructive for both involved in an issue.
Sometimes, people have that extremely strong feeling of love. For instance, they can spend hours under the heat or rain to wait until their sweetheart finishes a day in the college or office. Maybe, their loved one could even do something unpleasant to them, but they continue to be patient. It is a hope. The hope for that person they love to turn into a “normal” and loving partner.
In case you have never had such a relationship before, you definitely are lucky. But most probably, you heard some stories with the elements described above from your friends, groupmates, or colleagues. Regardless of circumstances, a relationship is not healthy and normal when one person is ready to take any humiliation and any unworthy behavior coming from their partner.
That fanatical attachment an inexperienced person thinks to be love actually has its name. Scientists, psychologists, and professional academic writers most likely know the definition of “Limerence”. Limerence means a mania, an obsession that a person has towards their loved one. Wikipedia defines limerence as an “involuntary state of intense romantic desire”.
When a person is affected by such a strong feeling, no talks or arguments can convince them that a human attracting them so much is not actually as cool and perfect as they think.
How to find out what your feeling actually is? Is it love or limerence? Here below, you can see four main attributes of that destructive obsession able to cause severe consequences for your physical and mental state, as well as for the life of your thought-to-be-beloved partner.
Intrusive Thoughts About Him or Her
Most likely, you feel this as a “mad love”. For a student, for instance, it becomes impossible to study. You can’t do your job. You can’t ask, “is speedy paper legit?” or get new knowledge effectively for weeks in a row. You may suddenly find out you forgot how to open that book.
All you can think about is THAT person.
It’s like drug affection. Your brain refuses to lower the level of endorphins around it. Frequently, people affected by limerence have difficulties with eating, sleeping, and sometimes they even forget about personal hygiene.
“Wow, we both are the homo sapiens! We’ve got so much in common! It’s a sign. It’s our fate to be together!” Is this somehow similar to what your thoughts are?
Be careful. That’s a dangerous bell ringing in your mind.
You are so obsessed with love that it seems you need your loved one just to breathe and continue living. It’s painful for you not to have them nearby, no matter if your sweetheart is 200 miles away or in a room behind the wall.
Irrational Estimation of a Person’s Traits
It is another point that is obvious for people around but not for an obsessed person. It’s something like, “Oh, is he a killer? No problem, I can work with that.”
Desire for Reciprocity
Here comes the moment when things become really complicated. Life is not always fair and easy, and the cruelest thing about falling in love is the fact that your feeling is not always mutual. “She doesn’t text me because she’s too busy.” That’s what you think.
In fact, a busy period may last for some days, but if you don’t hear anything about your wanted partner for a week, two, or more, then this probably means you should rethink the situation and your attitude towards it.
You may even understand that, but the irrational, involuntary love feeling still stays on. Your soul refuses to understand what your brain knows already.
So, What’s Up?
These were the four main factors of limerence. What do scientists and doctors say about its classification?
Specialists don’t acknowledge limerence as a kind of mental disorder yet. However, they state a person might require professional psychotherapy assistance when it comes to a destructive desire.
However, we should admit once more that being in love is not always bad. That feeling can become a starting impulse for a good and long-lasting relationship by creating positive memories at the very beginning.
The real trouble with limerence is different. It appears when the desired partner does not show mutual feelings. What’s worse is that the beloved person may use that feeling to manipulate the one loving him or her.
First of all, love means happiness, care about your loved one, will to reach harmony, and to develop that relationship. When the feeling causes your self-destruction or personal degradation, it is worth thinking about whether it is love or limerence.